It’s almost that time of the year and I find myself comfortable even amid the Muni Long’s “Hrs & Hrs” phenomenon. Although, people are playing it like it’s the air we breathe in, no one can deny the greatness of it. “Hrs & Hrs” is quite the catchy romance song of the moment right now, and as a result it has become the soundtrack for every couple video on social media. I would argue that is the anthem for love or being in love as we know it today.
If you still don’t what time I’m talking about by now, I’m referring to Valentine’s Day, also known as Single Anonymous Day, the hallmark day of love, or plainly put just February 14th. The spotlight isn’t just on the couples, but it’s on the single folks too. This day weeds out the lovebirds from the rest of the world unlike any other day.
Societal pressures and couple goals can make even the most solid single individual question their marital or relationship status. I mean after all, one of our life missions is to find “our person” we can call soulmate, marry, buy a house, and have kids with. That’s essentially one of the major components of the American Dream right there. As a result, our lives become consumed with doing all the “right” things to succeed in this capitalist society as we know it from getting educated, working, and choosing a mate.
I have been doing a lot of self-reflection over the past months because as we age, we cannot look over the expectations we set for ourselves. I have been choosing to live life on my own terms. When I think about my love life and past expectations, I had set myself before I gained some “real world experience,” I used to think I would be married by twenty-six and have my first kid at twenty-eight. Now, all I can think about is how I am not sure I want to give up my “Me Time” or share my bed with anything besides my television remotes.
Turning twenty-three this past November has been a major eye opener for me, a call to be greater and better than I have ever been. My mom had me at twenty-three and I couldn’t even imagine having a kid right now, times were so much different then. It seemed so much easier with the cost of living back then, I am just glad my mom isn’t holding her breath anymore because I surpassed her and broke that cycle.
I have chosen to break the tradition under my own terms. I am what I would call Unconventionally Single. Unconventionally single simply means not following the masses and choosing to be alone by choice. Yes, like every other woman, I have my options, but I am simply not seeking a relationship currently. Single does not mean lack of options, nor does it translate to lonely.
There is such a stigma around single women, but single people in general. Society must let go of the time sensitivity around being single. This is especially true when people come into marrying or childbearing age as family and friends ask those questions: “When are you going to meet someone?” “You want to have kids, right?” “Why are you single?”
There comes a time where we must realize as a society being single is not a death sentence. Waiting until you are ready is okay, being celibate is fine, and going on dates when the mood strikes us is cool too. You are the one who must entertain your potential partner not the naysayers in your life.
I know from experience, things I’ve witnessed, and stories I heard that there’s not much out there. Thankfully being seeing single for a minute has allowed me to realize what I want so I will not settle or jump into something only to avoid being alone I enjoy my freedom way too much to just go for the okey-doke. I plan to continue enjoying myself until I choose to dedicate my time to a lucky suitor worthy of me.
I do not want to look back years down the line to see myself stuck at a dead-end job and loveless relationship, when I can prevent that by focusing on what is most important which is prospering without interruption. I am not interested in some man who does not know what he wants, plays games, and won’t commit. I cannot be trapped, because a great woman (Nicki Minaj for those who don’t know) once said, “Ain’t pushing out his babies ’til he buys the rock.” Mainly, I want to be financially stable and in a great position to be able to raise my kids in the family-oriented environment they deserve when the time comes.
My thoughts on love have evolved throughout the years. Fortunately, I am sure that my fairytale exists somewhere, my soul mate is out there patiently waiting while we both get our sh*t together apart. I know there might be some cynical lines here and there, but I am still a die-hard hopeless romantic. I live for the love intertwined in the lines of ATL, Love & Basketball, and Beyond the Lights amongst other sappy soft Black romance movies. I love seeing so many positive Black Love moments both in film and in real life, it’s much needed during this time of proud toxicity. Trust, I am indeed just chilling until my own Love Jones moment happens.
I have always known myself to be the settle down type, but I am not in a rush. I want to be sure, and I want love to find me. The less you seek it out and do not chase it, the higher possibility it might just fall into your lap. We all have our share of trial-and-error experiences from bad dates. One of the moments that immediately comes to mind is the dinner date scene from Daddy’s Little Girls with aspiring rapper “40 Percent”, f*ck boys (gender neutral and appropriate where the shoe fits), toxic situationships or relationships. Some more crazy, maybe worse than others, that might have one swearing off opening their heart to love.
I know some sketchy stories that have influenced myself to temporarily take myself off the market besides my main priority of making sure I am keeping myself on a successful path of progression. I cannot ignore the fact that my generation is not sold on monogamy or the importance of courtship as an entirety. Everyone is on their own page whether it’s casual hookups or temporary partnerships.
I guess you can call me “Plain Jane Traditional” because in this phase of my life my end goal is still marriage. My goal when I am in the dating market is to weed out the “40 Percent” characters to get to the ideal gentleman of my choosing. I have a lot going on right now when it comes to providing the life, I want for myself when it comes to my career and writing. I desire not to waste my time “playing” because I want a healthy, serious relationship, with a solid partner I can build with. More specifically meaning, someone who is committed to not bailing when times get tough.
Also, as an independent career driven woman, I want to not only have a lot to offer and bring to the table, but someone who can bring something to the table as well. I am not interested in using or mooching off a potential companion, but building each other up, improving on our designs as a team.
I know I can get quite intense, and this is what separates me from the typical woman my age because I can take myself so seriously, maybe too seriously sometimes. My serious approach has led me to save a lot of time though, because I am not wasting my time “playing house” while I know my future soulmate is out there.
In the meantime, this day of love and most importantly this year, it is all about self-love for me. This year I want to learn how to love me better before I allow someone to come into my life, I have to make sure I love myself more because I only want to attract love, not lust. Remember this love day does not just have to be reserved for couples, love day can be loving on yourself.
It’s like I always say, “Treat yourself don’t cheat yourself.” It’s important to remember as we go into relationships that we still maintain our own happiness, it is not the sole responsibility of your partner to make you happy, they are simply a bonus because that was your job before you met them.
While others are basking in the “Hrs & Hrs” on February 14th, I will be preparing for my “Single Date” meaning enjoying the company of self on some self-care appreciation time. You can count on me to be dressed up enjoying some fine dining at a nice restaurant with a glass of wine.
My single folks sit back in your seat but don’t forget to raise your glass because our time is coming.
Lastly, cheers to all the happy couples, don’t stop overplaying “Hrs & Hrs” on my account.